July 12, 2009

Inside the Beckham-Donovan summit

At Mastro's in Beverly Hills...

David Beckham: Landon, we have to talk about the things you said in that book. In my whole career, I've played with world class players and have never been accused of being unprofessional...

Landon Donovan: Dave, look, this isn't a media event. Talk to me like a normal person here, there's no cameras here. This is just between us.

David Beckham: Everyone has always talked about my professionalism and my commitment.

Landon Donovan: Well, I guess I'm not everyone. You were a bad teammate last season. I wish it hadn't come out this way, I should have talked to you first. But, you didn't act like you wanted to talk about anything last season.

David Beckham: I've played with the biggest players in the world and the biggest teams in the world...

Landon Donovan: What are you trying to say? That I can't criticize you? If you're such a hot shot, where were you at the Confederations Cup? Oh yeah, that's right. Your SUPERSTAR team didn't even qualify for the last European Championship...

Beckham slaps Donovan in the mouth

Terry Byrne appears

Terry Byrne: You little bastard, you can't talk to David like that. He's a superstar. Who are you?

Landon Donovan: The best player in the league your boy plays in. You were probably too busy trying to score another paid consulting gig to notice.

Byrne slaps Donovan in the mouthSimon Fuller appears

Simon Fuller: You're ruining David's marketability! We're going to miss out on new Sharpie commercials! You're going to pay for all of this!

Landon Donovan: Go back to Star Search or whatever lame new talent show you're doing this week, this has nothing to do with you.

Fuller slaps Donovan in the mouthVictoria Beckham appears

Victoria Beckham: You can't talk about my David like that. You're a nobody! You're not a star! You're ugly and stupid!
Bianca Kajlich appears

Bianca Kajlich: That's where you're wrong, nobody talks to my LandyCakes like that, YOU'RE GOING DOWN, WAG!
Landon Donovan and David Beckham: CATFIGHT!!!

David Beckham: Wow, look at 'em go. Your wife is pretty tough.

Landon Donovan: Posh isn't so bad herself, I didn't think she had it in her.

David Beckham: You know, I'm sorry about what happened last year. It's just hard sometimes to get used to all this. I've never been the big fish in the team, you know?

Landon Donovan: It's okay, just try to be a part of us. We're decent enough guys. Everything doesn't have to go through your management people. Just be yourself.

David Beckham: I know, I'm sorry. I need to just start doing things on my own and not let them run everything. Terry, Simon, leave us now.

Terry Byrne and Simon Fuller do as they're told

Landon Donovan: It's okay, just don't let it happen again or I'll send Bianca after you.

Bianca Kajlich and Victoria Beckham: Everything's okay now? We can stop fighting?

David Beckham: Honey, remember when you laughing about Bianca on Dawson's Creek?


The fight continues

Landon Donovan: Well played, sir. I think everything is going to be just fine this year...

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