August 21, 2008

2008 MLS All-Douchebag Team

douchebag: (n) an individual with an over inflated sense of self worth, often combined with a low level of intelligence, typically behaves in a ridiculous manner with no sense of how moronic he appears

In soccer teams, you know that have certain players that you just love to hate. Everything they do on the field drives you crazy. You love the guy if he's wearing your team's jersey, but if he's against you, all you do is plot his imminent demise.

2008 MLS All-Douchebag Team

GK- Matt Reis
I think it's his history of dishing out concussions...

D- Bobby Boswell
The constant talk of his partying and coolness on his blog really turned a lot of people against the Boz. Well, that and his sucking at the beginning of last season. Maybe he's turned it around...

D- CJ Brown
Might be one of the most hated players in the league, based on a non-scientific poll of people who watch MLS at the Brewhouse.

D- Jay Heaps
The Duke b'ball connection really doesn't help...

M- Claudio Reyna
This is what happens when you sign a fat contract, play very little, then wait until after it becomes guaranteed for the year to retire.

M- Ben Olsen
Look, I'm a DC fan, but I can understand that Olsen isn't well liked around the league. The Dick's Sporting Goods commercial nearly made me homicidal this season, so I can't argue this pick.

M- Ronnie O'Brien
Injuring yourself while trying to hurt a teammate in practice fits the general description...

M- Amado Guevara
I think Preki would agree with this one...

M- Khano Smith
I've never seen a stadium turn against a player as fast as most do against this guy, I saw it first hand at MLS Cup last year and have noticed it a few other times this season.

F- Carlos Ruiz
Do I really have to explain this one?

F- Taylor Twellman
For me, I think it's the spiky hair and boys' medium sized jerseys. I just imagine a pink polo shirt, popped color, visor, and plaid shorts for some reason...

Coach- Steve Sampson
I think this might be a lifetime selection...

General Manager- Alexi Lalas
Probably the easiest pick of the bunch...

Let's hear your nominations in the comments...

11 comments:

Joemybro said...

Ben Olsen, you must be out of your minds! Somehow, when you left the bar the other night,that line said Pete Vagenas. You are a sneaky bastard.

Jefa said...

You can't select Claudio Reyna as a player ... he would actually have to PLAY for that to happen.

Besides, he's already on the "Most Useless and Disappointing US National Team Selection of All Time Until Forever" squad.

Longshoe said...

Olsen just had to be on there, there would have been a riot otherwise. You have to admit he's more douchey than Vagenas...

Reyna barely qualified for this season due to the 5-6 minutes he actually stepped on the field. Barely. Next year, he's the towel-boy.

Longshoe said...

Besides, with Olsen, that commercial pretty much makes him a douchebag all on its own...

Joemybro said...

NEVER! The only riot would have been the one at the bar when I started throwing baskets of fried goodness at you for even saying such a thing about the National Treasure (assuming I could get a basket delivered to the table)!!!!!!! You are an evil fiend!

Anonymous said...

Franchino!

James said...

Franchino, seconded!

Longshoe said...

Franchino was a tough call, we decided for "chemically challenged" rather than "douchebag". We'll reexamine his case next season.

James said...

Dario Sala for backup keeper?

Longshoe said...

It's a battle between Sala and Hartman. Sala for the punching and diving, Hartman for the peroxide.

Anonymous said...

Blanco