It's Juan Toja Wig Night at the Big Oven, this should be interesting...
Stoner is in rare form, "You can't spell mullet without MLS." That doesn't even make sense, Rob.
What, were some of the Hoops just too cool to wear the wig in the pregame introductions? Denilson did it, but Drew Moor and a few others wouldn't. What's up with that?
All is good, my friends Chico & Chang are on the way and we're ready for kickoff.
It's Wynaldo! And a wig flashback to come later, I can't wait!
Carlos Ruiz voted Ricardo Clark to his Best XI and defended him to the league. That's interesting.
It's really weird to see Chivas in navy blue jerseys. Waldo likes Kljestan's hair, but not as much as Toja's.
I agree with the compliments about Ray Burse, he's impressed me and I didn't know anything about him going into the year. Good to see the young'uns showing well across the league.
Stoner does not care for the braids on Arturo Alvarez. Tons of hair talk tonight, are we sure this isn't A&E or Lifetime?
They gave out 5,000 wigs tonight, are there 5,000 people there? Crowd looks pretty sparse on the tube.
Sacha Kljestan is growing up before our eyes, he looks so calm and composed in the attacking third. 12 assists this year is rather good, huh?
Thank you Fernando, Tommy Smyth's Hispanic replacement, for putting a stop to the talk about the USMNT needing size. We need more skills, not just big oafs.
Denilson hustling?!? My mind is blown...
I didn't need to see the replay of Kenny Cooper's leg getting broken, TWICE. It wasn't Joe Theismann or anything, but still tough to watch. I do agree with Bob Bradley, Cooper needs more "grit" to his game. Very skilled, but he's way too big to not be a hoss in the box. He's the perfect combination for these guys demanding "big" players, he has the skill to go along with the size. Cooper just plays like a smaller guy though.
Stoner was right, Alvarez's braids are horrible.
If you had 24th minute in the "Waldo bitching about a driven cross" pool, you are the big winner tonight. Fernando, who's quickly becoming my favorite, tells Waldo to shut up because the cross was effective.
"I'll throw a dime up in the air and let a truck hit you and see how you feel about it," is Waldo's retort. Que?
Great blast from Serioux draws an excellent save out of El Guzano.
Wynalda has been complaining about Denilson's crosses for ten minutes now. GET OVER IT!
Denilson just pulled one of the most ridiculous backheels I've ever seen, Stoner screamed like a little girl.
Abe Thompson gets through, somehow, but Guzan makes a great a kick-save to keep us scoreless.
Good to see the Dads in the FC Dallas fan base trying to give their kids beer. Nice catch, ESPN!
Allen Hopkins with the Toja wig is upsetting. Waldo calling him "Tojawkins" is even more so.
I'm over the supporters' groups singing the bass line from "Seven Nation Army" by the White Stripes. It was cool when they featured the Roma groups singing it on NPR LAST YEAR. Now, not so much.
Le Croissant had quite a chance, but it was tackled away nicely.
Great ball through to Mendoza, but his cross is cleared away. At least it was driven, right Waldo?
El Cubano and Razov are warming up for the Goats. Alvarez cuts through for the Hoops, but can't get much on his shot.
Razov in for the English Muffin Cunliffe. I wonder if he brought his crocheted cap from the Draft with him.
Wow, Preki looks like he wants to fish hook somebody! His chin was almost at midfield.
Denilson double teamed in the corner, and it's taken away easily. He looks so sad, poor fella.
El Cubano in for Le Croissant, let's see if the Goats can find a winner now.
Alvarez gets hacked down, and then he pulls his best Dida impression. He did catch a knee to the thigh. "It looked like Arturo was holding his Alvarez," Stoner says.
PLEASE REMOVE THE NOTE CARD ABOUT DRIVEN BALLS FROM WYNALDA!
The Flashback is Carlos Valderrama Wig Night from 1996. The best thing about the clip are the KC Wiz uniforms, I had forgotten how bad they were.
Toja and Serioux have played like "an accordion" according to Fernando. One goes up, one goes back. Not a bad analogy, not bad.
Mendoza scores, but it's offside. That was close, Panchito was on, but someone else was off. That should've been a goal.
Denilson subbed out in the 76th, he really didn't do that much.
The Dallas forwards have stopped moving completely. Instead of mentioning it, Waldo is talking about how young Joe-Max Moore looks. This is a weird broadcast.
There's bodies down all over the place, this is nuts. BOBBY RHINE JUST GOT A RED CARD. What happened?!? The producers are digging for a replay to show what happened, without any success.
Always good to see one of the Event Staff joining in the Wig Night promotion as he walks Rhine off the field.
Bobby Rhine told Allen Hopkins that he asked for a yellow card, and got a straight red. Huh?!? Okay, they clarify saying that Rhine was asking for a yellow on the play before, and I have no idea what he wanted the card for. Rhine went on to complain about Brian Hall's ego and chip on his shoulder.
I don't think Wynalda understands what happened at all. "I'm guessing that I'm right."
Fernando says that US referees are never trusted in international games. Interesting comment...
They give Preki a verbal tonguebath for about five minutes. It's excessive, but Preki has definitely been my Coach of the Year.
Razov is badly bothered by a left hamstring pull, could that be a lingering problem during the postseason?
Arturo Alvarez just beat two guys on the left wing, cut into the middle, showed cross, then blasted a left footed drive off the post. Wow, the guy is a human highlight reel. Paging Bob Bradley...
Stoner asks who you'd rather have on your team, Alvarez or Denilson right now?
Bornstein is completely out of gas, he just can't run anymore.
Fernando is horrified at the ballboys giving the ball right to Chivas.
Kljestan with a horrible free kick deep in injury time, and that's all she wrote. 0-0