Hello, I'm Eric Wynalda and I have some work to do...

That bastard Landon Donovan, he just had to go and tie my all-time scoring record for the US national team. I handpicked my boy Taylor to do that years ago, but Bruce Arena screwed all that up. Taylor would have eleventy-billion goals for the national team now if he had went to the last World Cup. We would have won the tournament and Taylor would've won the Golden Boot and we would've hugged and everything. It would've been perfect...

But no, now Taylor's confidence is shot and that punk Donovan has tied my record. At least McBride had the good sense to retire from the national team before he got any closer. Maybe the dead rats I sent to his house did the trick...

I can't stand Landon Donovan. In my first World Cup, I got a red card. He goes out and scores against Mexico and is a national hero. At least I actually played in Germany, he just ran away crying. Sissy.

That's why I have to get back on the field. I figure if I start out with this PDL team this year, I can take Landon's spot with the Galaxy next year. He'll cry when he's traded to Salt Lake, while I'm scoring goal after goal after that Beckham guy crosses it to me. Bradley won't be able to deny me, and I'll be back in the national team to take my record back.

I just have to make sure that Landon doesn't score any more national team goals in the meantime. When do the Red Bulls play LA? Let me call up my good friend Dema...