MLS Power Rankings - The "I was really drunk and didn't see a lot of the action" edition

Yep, last Saturday night was fun. Last Thursday night wasn't, thanks to a 4-0 Chivas USA loss. I caught most of the highlights on FSC this weekend but still went to the newly designed MLS home page to catch up on things. I think I still like the old one better.

Eastern Conference

1. New England Revolution - I'm not going to hand it to Red Bull by default, so the Revs take over the top spot. They dominated Toronto and watched as both DC and Kansas City lost. Dorman's two goals = good news for my fantasy team.

2. Red Bull New York - The two greatest words in the English language? DE FAULT! DE FAULT! Still probably the best team in the East, just didn't get to show us this last weekend. Lucked out by not having John Paul go to Copa America. (Sorry, I tried to find a better picture from this classic Simpsons episode, but you can never pass up Hail Ants.)

3. D.C. United - Alexi Lalas has it out for D.C. Well, not really, but he's the jackass who traded Robbie Findley to the Stormin' Mormons, who proceeded to get their first win thanks to the aforementioned ex-Galactico.

4. Kansas City Wizards - Two losses, one to Columbus and another to the red-hot Dynamo. I guess Eddie Johnson really does mean that much.

5. Columbus Crew - TWO WINS! RATTY IS GOING NUTS! They hammered the final nail in Frank Yallop's coffin with a 3-2 win playing a man down on Saturday. Barros Schelotto has an assist is something like 86 straight games.

6. Toronto FC - Probably spent the weekend trying to track down Benito Archundia and his cronies for their asinine call at the end of Canada's 2-1 loss to the US in the Gold Cup semis. Because they didn't even look like they were on the field against New England.

7. Chicago Fire - No Blanco to Copa America means good news to Fire fans. Although right now I'm sure Hugo Sanchez wishes Blanco was with him. He's probably the only guy who'd fight for him.

Western Conference

1. Houston Dynamo - I don't think there's anyone who's not surprised by their five-game winning streak. Onstad, DeRo, Ching and Rico all gone, yet they still pull this. California Victory reject Ianni comes through big on Sunday. The battle of Texas commences on Saturday.

2. Chivas USA - I just can't justify putting FC Dallas up here after losing 4-0 to Toronto just a week ago. Besides, when things are going bad, they go bad. Just a game to forget for the Goats. In the good news department, my reward for helping move some boxes of cleats up to Lawrenceville today was a free ChivaGirls calendar. Too bad it's already June. After seeing the calendar today, now Brandon wants to come with me out to LA for a game. I told him that Luis can probably set up a meeting with the ChivaGirls and now he's super-pumped.

3. FC Dallas - Juan Toja: Outside shot at an All-Star spot? If anyone from Dallas deserves it, it's probably him.

4. Colorado Rapids - I'm still bleh on this team. Conor Casey is crap. Has done nothing since coming to MLS. Way to throw your NT chances out the window.

5. Real Salt Lake - A win, a win, A WIN! Like Shoe said in a previous post, Lalas made RSL look smart by giving them Findley. Adios to Adu and Seitz for awhile as the U-20s get underway this weekend.

6. Los Angeles Galaxy - Dude, I wonder if Beckham even knows what he's getting into by joining this mess. Or either the league is setting this thing up as Beckham will come turn this joke of a team around to at least make the playoffs. Hey, my grandfather always said that professional sports were fixed...