Hello, I'm David Beckham and I don't know my teammates' names

I mean seriously, who are these guys I'm lining up with? The guy in the headgear, did he win a contest or something? That Allen guy up front doesn't even have a bio on our website, and I'm pretty sure he couldn't hit water if he fell off a boat. We had so many guys who weren't even on the roster playing tonight, I actually missed the pool boy on the field. At least I knew his name, Tyson.

Wicks and that Jordan guy are from the lower leagues, right? Do I play for the Portland Timbers now?

We didn't even have our new jerseys yet. Houston had the new jersey with the new font, and we were wearing the same old stuff from last year. I guess they didn't want to waste the letters on Gavin, huh?

I hope Capello wasn't watching...