I shouldn't be talking to you people. Last time I did this, I said some things that ended up getting me suspended.
That's right, no Yellow Card/Red Card feature for me on Saturday at the Big Dick. My new bosses weren't too happy that I said, "Jim Rome can suck my dick," and "I will club his ass." It's probably not the best thing to say about a fellow employee, but that's me. At least I didn't pull a Billy Packer, he didn't get suspended for his comments on a TV show.
Since I won't be there on Saturday, here's this week's feature that's sweeping the sports world. Yellow Card/Red Card!
Red Card: That crappy ref last night in the Houston-Pachuca game. His last name was Navarro, there's no way he was Canadian. He was Mexican just like Nelly Furtado. Dirty cheaters, I'll club all their asses.
Yellow Card: Dave O'Brien. If you tell one more story about how somebody likes to play acoustic guitar and do stand up comedy off the field, you'll get the club too buddy.
Game Ball: Taylor Twellman. He's just so pretty...
Red Card: Chicago Fire. How can an American team sign a Mexican like that fat Blanco. He sucks. I hate that guy and everything about him! I HATE Mexico! ARGHHHHH! Hold on, I need to go take a piss...
Game Ball: Ronnie O'Brien. Yeah, I know he's injured, but he was probably trying to kick a teammate who deserved it. I can respect that.
Yellow Card: Julie Foudy. Don't get too comfortable in my chair, missy.
Red Card: Jim Rome. I know I apologized, but I had to. My bosses made me so I could keep my job. Look, I'm ESPN's soccer boy now. They pay me very well to be who I am. I hate it, but I have to do what they tell me. All that said, I still hate that bastard Rome. His show will get canned here soon and then I can really go off. Until then, I can play this stupid Mickey Mouse game.
I need another beer and I have to get the mute button ready for the game tomorrow. I'm out.